They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
