I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We have so much sex to catch up on
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
this is an emotional support booty call
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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