At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
