Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
