Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
