dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize