I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
