Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
