Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just found puke in my bra..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
