Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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