i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
