A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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