If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
