im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
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There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
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he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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