So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
