The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
