Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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