Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
