I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
