Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you had me at cake vodka
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
