I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
