I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
