i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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