I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize