Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
