How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dear god my vagina.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
