the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
