Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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