it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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