hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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