Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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