oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
