so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
