is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
