what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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