they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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