I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
