Betty ford says i'm here all night
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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