so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
