i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize