Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
