I can't breathe out the right side of my face
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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