dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's rum buckets o'clock
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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