I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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