Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
