I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
