I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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