The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
