You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
