I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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