I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
