I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
