Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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