i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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