how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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