wanna go halves on a baby?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
