im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
