she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
