i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Small penises have feelings too.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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