i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Mom said you looked used
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
