Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
