How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
