Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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