you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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