Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
