I just pynch a tree in the face
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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